Sometimes, it’s hard not to rest your fate in the hands of a miracle. It’s hard not to sit around and wait for yourself to get better. It’s hard not to wait for someone to put you back together so you don’t have to. It’s hard to trust yourself to become saved by the one and only you- to be your own hero.

It would be so much easier to just let ourselves be defeated and stay down but what happens when a year goes by and no one has saved you? No miracles have happened and time hasn’t changed anything at all? You have to choose to pick yourself up. Well, I have good news. You’re the hero in this story, my friend.

So, how do you do that? How does one save themselves from negativity, pain or heartache? You have to start somewhere. Start here.

1. Push yourself to do something even if you don’t feel like it. 

You don’t have to go somewhere every day but binge watching Netflix for three days straight is not a good way to work on your happiness. At least break it up with a walk or go meet a friend for coffee. Most of the time, you’ll feel better afterwards. Make your day have purpose. Whether that’s buying ice cream at the grocery store or calling your grandma- DO something that makes you smile. Smile as much as possible.

2. Reach out to friends or make some new ones. 

A way to get yourself through anything is to surround yourself with people who will catch you if you stumble. Take this time to grow friendships and reconnect with old ones. Go see your family and recognize those who truly care for you. Talk about old memories and laugh at corny jokes. Surround yourself with love and give it back. Whoop your sister’s butt at monopoly. Play guitar hero with your dad. Strengthen those bonds.

3. Make yourself think of two positive thoughts for every negative thought you have. 

Write it down if you have to! Every time you start thinking about regrets, guilt or events leading to those feelings, stop yourself. I know, how the hell do I just stop those thoughts? This is where mental practice comes in. Try to talk yourself out of those bad thoughts immediately and focus on something else. Start a full blown conversation in your head or just say “no, no, no”. Reject the thought and replace it with a new one. Whether that’s football or Pretty Little Liars, get your mind away from the self depreciation. You need time to heal but talking yourself down will never lift yours spirits. After practicing enough, it will come much easier. We must learn to push forward with pain. You are allowed to feel and be sad but as soon as you start the blame and the what is wrong with me talk, try your best to change your brains channel.

4. Every morning, wake up and ask yourself what you want to do to make yourself happy. 

We often forget to think about the small things that will give us joy. Isn’t that crazy? Is it making yourself a big breakfast? Is it going for a walk? Is it adding hot sauce to every food you consume? Sometimes, we forget to add the little joys back into our daily routines. The craziest part is we know how happy we’ll feel- not to mention a little more productive and joyous for the rest of the day. Do it even if you don’t feel like it. Make yourself happy.

5. Love yourself. Period.

As always. I can’t stress enough how important this time is for you to do something that’s going to make you feel new and happy. Redecorate your apartment, buy yourself a new toy, get in the best shape of your life, join a new club, take archery lessons… whatever it is, just go for it. Do something, or several things, for yourself and consider it the beginning of a relationship with YOU. Date yourself and start by spoiling the crap out of you.

The best advice about self love I have ever received is “If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, why would you say it to yourself.” It’s incredibly altering when you think about it. Think differently, only you can change that.

Happiness is created by self love, determination and a lot of patience. Stick with it.

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