Do you find yourself often thinking or saying to others I just need to find myself or I finally feel like I’m starting to find myself?
Once upon a time, I was having a conversation with one of my biggest inspirations and in the midst of talking about life I told her that I finally felt like I was starting to find myself.
She stopped me right there and taught me a very important lesson.
She told me that I am never going to find myself. Here’s why.
How can you find yourself when every day you change a little more and every year you feel different from the person you were before? You can’t.
By the time you find who you were a year ago, you’re already going to have to look for the person you are today. It’s a never ending chase that you just can’t win. And in the midst of this chase we are so busy trying to figure out who we are that we forget who can create ourselves to be.
You can learn about yourself continuously. You may figure out certain things you need right now and what you want for yourself at this time but honey, that’s going to change as the days go by. You aren’t always going to want the same thing and you aren’t always going to want it as bad as something else.
You’re going to get confused as hell and question everything you have ever done. You’re going to change your mind about the future and wonder what the hell you’re doing. Sometimes everything will fall into place and make a world of sense to you and sometimes nothing will make any sense anymore.
In effort to search so viciously for ourselves, we can actually destroy ourselves. We question the people around us and cut some of them off or push them away. We get so frustrated that we don’t know who we are so we start to think we’re the only ones who don’t have a grip on our life. The consequences? Fear and the gut wrenching feeling of being alone.
It’s not just you, it’s 90% of the population.
So what can you do?
- Stop panicking. Just breathe my friend. What are you really stressing out about? Are you scared for the future? Did something happen to make you question yourself? You’re a smart person who may not ever figure it out and that’s okay.
- You cannot control everything that comes your way. You can’t help a lot of feelings that happen or a lot of incidents that occur in your days. Let go of that aspect of control. Know that if you are constantly trying to control everything around you, you’re going to be way more stressed out than you need to be. Embrace that you can’t know everything and the unknown is going to happen.
- Live right now instead of constantly thinking of the future. If you enjoy someone’s presence, hang out with them more. If you know that going on a walk will make you happy today, go for it. Start doing what makes you happy today and make that happiness go towards your future. It all starts with keeping what makes you happy close to your heart and pushing yourself to do so even when you don’t feel like it.
- Learn about yourself daily. Know that you can never fully find yourself when you are constantly going through changes. Instead, learn something about yourself through circumstance, tragedy and happiness. Learn through it all and slowly find out what you want right now so you can start to build the version of yourself you envision.
- Who is surrounding you? They say that the five people you hang out with the most will show you the person you are becoming. Do you like that idea? Love those around you and make sure they will push you to be better.
Just remember, you are never going to find yourself when you are searching too hard and changing so much. So, do what you love and love everything around you. Hold on to that and know that today, you are creating the person you will be tomorrow.
What does that look like for you?